A friend and I went to this karting place last night. We finished our first race, and a child—still wearing his ski mask—walked up to me and asked where I had placed in mine. I told him I finished second with a lap time of 35 seconds over 12 laps.
He laughed, then excitedly boasted about beating all the other kids in his race, setting a 25-second lap time. I joked that he could have smoked me if we had raced together.
“I was so fast!” he exclaimed before dashing off to join the next race.
It was refreshing to witness such bright confidence and joy. He approached me playfully, unburdened by doubt or self-consciousness—simply a child, fully immersed in the moment.
The Spirit of a Child
Look at a child—spirited, carefree, excited, unburdened by the image of the self, and unafraid of rejection. He engages what genuinely excites him, not for a grand purpose or goal but simply for its sake. He relishes each moment, guided by curiosity rather than fear.
But as he grows, his environment slowly shapes him. He slowly and progressively picks up things from his parents, society, and friendships. These things seep into his psyche, influencing the type of persona that he develops.
While some influences nurture growth, many do not. Without proper boundaries, children may face harsh realities before developing the faculties to process them.
The world is a harsh place. Adults, who at times are broken people, could transfer their trauma and emotional baggage to younglings. The once-carefree child becomes hesitant, questioning whether he is enough.
Self-doubt creeps in, fear takes root, and uncertainty clouds his once-bright view of the world.
As he matures, he gains a deeper awareness of how cold and harsh life can be. This knowledge could further dim his excitement should he let it, replacing optimism with skepticism.
With a phone in his pocket, he gains access to the world, bearing witness to the chaos and suffering. The more he sees, the more disillusioned he becomes, becoming blind to life’s beauty should he let it.
This sense of pessimism intensifies when he fixates on personal imperfections, especially when comparing themselves to peers he perceives as more complete.
He imposes chains upon himself, growing more hesitant about seizing opportunities. The inner child—once eager to play and explore—slowly fades, suffocated by self-imposed limitations.
Ignorance is Bliss
For in much wisdom is much grief, and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.
Ecclesiastes 1:18
Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.
Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
Knowledge is inherently blackpilling. The more we learn, the more we become aware of life’s uncomfortable truths—realities we may have been better off not knowing.
Unlike Cypher in The Matrix, you have not the option of getting your memories wiped and restored to the blissful state of existence. Cypher, unable to bear the harshness of reality, betrays his comrades in exchange for a return to the blissful ignorance of the Matrix.
Once you become aware of the truth, no amount of delusion will carve out that awareness. This applies regardless of one’s truth preference—the willingness to seek truth despite its discomfort.
The truth about the world and even about ourselves can be difficult to bear. It often leads to suffering, but worse, it can induce what I call life aversion—a withdrawal from fully living due to fear.
Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of loss. Fear of abandonment.
So, we take the path that would offer us safety and soothe our neuroticism. But in doing so we often stifle our inner child, limiting the horizons it could explore.
We convince ourselves that we must first create safety, eliminate risk, and account for every possibility before we allow ourselves to play, a pursuit of perfection
Perfection
Perfection is inaccessible to us. We are flawed by design and stuck in a perpetual state of discontent, fighting battles within and without until our final breath.
Perfectionistic types often fixate on their flaws and the conditions in their environment.
They irrationally visualize how distant their present selves are from their idealized versions, postponing living until they can achieve those impossible standards.
“I will love myself once I overcome my fears,” they think, instead of “I love myself despite my fears.”
As we cross off these conditions from our lists, our discontented souls keep generating new requirements. The checklist grows infinitely, making the fulfillment we crave an ever-moving target.
I, too, struggle with this—seeking perfect conditions before taking action, despite perfection being a quality that is only attainable to God.
Life becomes Sisyphean—a never-ending cycle of pushing a boulder up a hill, only for it to roll back down. Like a hamster spinning on a wheel, we chase a destination that does not exist.
And time cares not about our conditions nor desires for perfection. It keeps going. It keeps moving, and by the time we realize it time is up.
And time does not wait. It moves forward, indifferent to our struggles. By the time we realize we’ve spent years chasing perfection, time has already slipped away.
In seeking perfection, we postpone living. And the realization that time is not on our side can bring crushing despair.
So when the high chair tyrant in your mind tells you “You are not enough. You must wait for perfect conditions,” ask it:
“Who decides that? And for whom am I trying to be worthy?”
As Seneca wisely noted:
We suffer more in imagination than in reality
We often hyper-fixate on trivial things that, in the grand scale of existence, eventually lose our name tags.
Parenting the Self
A parent’s essential purpose is to establish a safe sanctuary in which their child can explore and flourish.
Parents serve as guardians, sheltering children from physical and psychological dangers—including their own unresolved traumas and vulnerabilities. A parent must shield their child even from their own shortcomings.
Our parents cannot parent us forever, nor can they protect us from every element in our environment that could threaten us. Eventually, we must learn to parent ourselves.
Some of the greatest threats to our inner child come from within, and this is a battle we must fight alone. In your role as your own parent, you must create the best possible sanctuary for your inner child to play.
As the parent, you provide structure, and within that framework, the child plays. I do not advocate reckless abandon, but rather a thoughtful creation of opportunities to engage in what we find meaningful.
Conclusion
As you’ve grown older, you’ve become more aware of life’s darkness—but awareness does not mean defeat.
You always have a choice.
You can retreat into negativity and apathy.
Or you can choose to live despite it.
You are capable of self-love despite your imperfections.
You can meaningfully touch the lives of others with your gifts despite your weaknesses.
Your kindness, no matter how small, can touch someone’s life.
The beauty of humanity lies in our capacity to shine a light for ourselves and others, despite the darkness that may plague as within. That we are capable of these deeds and that we can embody these virtues, despite our humanity.
That’s where our transcendence lies—not in perfection but in living fearlessly, despite our flaws.
It is like a rose growing amongst thorns.
This is the attitude found in the hopeful Bloomer character. A character who possesses the awareness of the sad and painful realities of life but still sees there’s purpose to it all. That there’s an opportunity for wonder and meaning to be created and experienced. That no matter how messy the world may be, it’s still worth playing in and trying to make the most out of.
Pursuit of Wonder
Think back to childhood. You lived blissfully, unburdened by insecurities and fears. You simply existed, embracing curiosity with ease.
Maintaining this state gets harder as we grow, but it is not impossible. Whilst difficult, we can still engineer these circumstances.
Let the child play.