I attended a painting event recently, and it was the first time painting in over a decade. I have a natural talent for drawing and painting, and back then my elder brother and I would draw and paint different things, especially anime or cartoon characters of shows we loved at that age.
My interests diverged as I got into high school, and whilst I didn’t explore much of my artistic side during that period, it would always find me.
I would find myself drawing a portrait of someone I had imagined in my mind, or I would catch an object of interest in my vicinity and sketch something inspired by it.
It was an in-and-out relationship with art, without the solid, genuine, consistent efforts like that of my elder brother.
At the event, we sat at a round table and were asked to draw something that came to our minds and then share with the group what we were thinking.
Looking at my canvas, what appeared might look like a rocket (that’s what everyone else guessed), but I was trying to draw a lighthouse.
The golden-yellow beams emanating from the structure cut through the darkness, illuminating a section of the deep blue waters below.
On the right side, I painted a crescent moon hanging in the textured night sky, while on the left, the lighthouse stood firm on dark gray rocks. In the distance, a small yellow boat navigates the choppy waters, seeking guidance from the light.
I placed the painting on my shelf when I got home.
A lighthouse in the raging sea and in the darkest of nights.
I caught a glimpse of it today while going about my duties, and it is what inspired me to make this submission.
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People will inevitably attempt to categorize you, acting in ways that guide you toward their preconceived notions. The most common manifestation of this is through testing, a reliable method to confirm suspicions.
If someone doubts your courage, for instance, they will engineer circumstances forcing you to display either bravery or cowardice, thereby validating their hypothesis and assigning you to a category.
Don’t take it personally. At a surface level, most employ these tactics simply to understand who you are and how you might react in various situations, which informs how they should interact with you or what responsibilities to entrust to you.
For some, however, such testing is unnecessary. They merely observe how you wield yourself, which sufficiently reveals your character. They may resort to testing only when they suspect an overlooked variable, typically when they lack substantial interaction or relationship with you.
I recognize, though, that certain individuals will test you relentlessly, as if seeking perpetual confirmation of their hypotheses, which have evolved into deeply held beliefs. When you act contrary to their established perception of you, the dissonance becomes so unsettling that they craft test after test, attempting to see through the facade of what you are trying to become.
Often, these people are those closest to us—friends and family.
Doubt & Resistance
These are the people who have witnessed our mediocrity, our failures, and know our backgrounds intimately. Your attempt to transform yourself, especially toward something positive, creates discomfort for them, and they suspect you of fraudulence.
Their doubts can sting painfully along your path of self-improvement, sometimes amplifying the internal doubts you already battle.
Especially if you are trying to overcome great difficulty in your background, you are likely to attract significant negative attention.
You will be the number 1 suspect on the “fraud watch list” and daily they will be praying on your downfall. This is often out of spite and ill intent, as your actions trigger deep-rooted insecurities in them, holding an uncomfortable mirror to their own attitudes and behaviors.
Others will doubt you because of fear. They fear you will outgrow them. They fear the new version of you will want them less in your life. Your unfamiliar actions threaten to overhaul the shared struggles that formed the foundation of your relationship.
To protect that connection, they try to keep you where you were, even if it may hurt or hold you back.
This is why your best mentors will often be strangers.
While they don’t know your history, they deeply resonate with your aspirations and understand the journey you seek to undertake. Because of this comprehension, they are better able to guide you in a benevolent yet rational manner.
They also serve as proof that your destination exists. Their achievement may differ in caliber from what you seek, but it exists and is accessible to you.
However, having a mentor is a luxury that most don’t have access to. Many learn to mentor themselves through the process of making mistakes, facing consequences, and learning from these experiences.
Some mistakes may be costly, but those who overcome them learn to integrate these lessons into their journey.
The Lonely Voyage
Any journey aimed at improving or actualizing a facet or entirety of the self can often be lonely.
It is a spiritual ache you must bear whilst navigating a turbulent sea shrouded in uncertainty, in a night so dark it blinds, all while battling the exhaustion and depletion associated with this voyage.
It could be trying to start a business.
It could be trying to lose weight.
It could be trying to overcome your anxiety of speaking in public.
It could be working on your content, be it a blog, YouTube channel, or podcast.
It could be starting out at the gym.
You will be stuck in darkness, and you will be alone, like that small yellow boat in my painting, adrift on turbulent waters.
All you have is the hope of finding a lighthouse, a beacon of possibility shining through the darkness, guiding you to a destination where you can soothe the ache you bear, harvesting the fruits of your sacrifices, and replenishing your energy.
Finding that destination wasn’t to prove the naysayers wrong or get back for the stones they hurled at you. It wasn’t to beat the fraud allegations (the funny thing is that some will still consider you a fraud no matter what you do).
It was to show them, as your mentor did (whether that mentor was another person or your own self), that your goal was possible.
More importantly, it was to actualize the belief that you had in yourself. That despite your challenging circumstances and background, you overcame.
You continued to bet on yourself even after failing numerously, but still kept believing, never losing faith in yourself. You show them that they too can access this.
For you this sanctuary is only just a place of temporal rest.
Once your energy has been resolved and the victory has soaked in, you set sail once more.
Greatness courses through your veins, compelling your heart to continue, to keep scaling the mountain.
Ultimately, you realize that the treasure isn’t the destination.
It isn’t the milk and honey that overflows the land.
It is in the journey itself.
Because there’s no rest for man in this world, perhaps in the next.